Really pathetic things I'm thinking

I'm just recording this so I can look back on it in years to come, a load of lyrics that now mean so much to me but I'm sure in time will make me cringe....

You were the one I loved, the one thing that I tried to hold on to

Goodbye to you

In this tainted soul in this weak young heart am I too much for you?

No tears for you

You're gonna wish you had never met me

What do you take me for?

I haven't lost anything except my mind

You can be hollow, I can be right here hollow with you

If you want to say goodbye to everything we could say goodbye to

Well I've been down so goddamn low COME ON!!!!

There's no way in hell I will let you leave, let you just get up and walk out on me

There's no way in earth hell would have to freeze over twice before I would let you go 

You can only fool yourself for so long

If you can find the time to give your love to me I will wait for you if that's all you need

But if you can't find the time then cut me loose

Cos I don't have the time

And I don't have the patience

What do you take me for?

Why am I still waiting?

The Love and Death of Fatima and Laura

What you are about to witness is the greatest love affair of all time..........

She couldn't believe it...she was what she always wanted!

It's fair to say it was love at first sight....

We immediately began exploring each other's orifices...

I did need some help blowing her up, I was always worried at this stage there were liberties being taken....

I just trusted them both so much.......

Maybe I shouldn't have.....

But fuck me she gave good head.......

I felt liberated with her.....

We got into positions I could only ever have dreamed of......

Don't judge us!

It was the kind of love I always wanted...

She took it, oh yes she took it......

Always satisfying............

But...........how could she???????????

Could this be true?????????????

I caught them red handed!!! There was no going back.

She had to die.

But I still mourn our love.

And wonder what could have been.

Had this tit not taken her from me!!!!

Enjoying the corpse.

Yeah that's a cucumber for a dick!!!

UV Rave at Vanilla

Morning at Lu's

Move over lemons, there's a new drop in town

The following is a bunch of pictures taken on an incredibly distressing night, but the plus side is that I learnt lime sugar and vodka go together very well......

Yeah all hail the lime! It was there for me when I needed it.

As was Lu. She really wanted this picture taken.

And this one.

This temptation was in my face all night. And I resisted. I am a Saint.

I'm lost. I'm lost. Please. I don't know if I made the worst decision last night. I don't know if I've just ruined any chance of being happy. I'm panicking and all I can think to do is write on here. I don't know what to do I don't know if I've ever been in this much pain.

Not done one of these in a while

It's been a fair while since I made my last blog. And a few minutes after posting that last one I was in the pub gulping down cider and black as if it were oxygen for my lungs.

I blamed the anxiety, it had lasted for four days which is feeble to some but I am not used to having periods that long without reaching for some self medication.  And self medicate I did. And boy did it feel great.

Yet again I have found myself drinking nearly every day. Last night I had three pints of lager to numb the pain of crying over someone I doubt will ever read this as they have little interest in me or my life. I know that sounds self-pitying but it's not, and I don't care anyway. Ok, three pints is not too much but as it has been creeping up slowly I want to get a handle on it again before I'm back to square one.

So I'm going sober for five days. A modest goal this time. I can drink again on Sunday. This day does count as I have two cans in the fridge that I would dearly love to drink as yet again I am crying over that very same person. But I won't. Not sure why. Because of some goal apparently.