Day 18 - Positive Negativity

Seneca thought that optimism and positivity was the cause of all our anger

Yesterday was the worst day I've had since giving up alcohol. It's the first day I've spent in bed for weeks. Previously this was a common occurrence, either due to severe hangovers or just generally feeling blue. Yesterday I had a headache, I couldn't think straight, I had no energy, no drive, basically a loss of all the things I've been revelling in since giving up alcohol. It got me thinking (cue Carrie Bradshaw moment): can focusing on the positives ever be a bad thing? Should we be more negative in order to be happier?

My sister is moving up to Manchester soon and similar to me she has been in a funny mood. Moving to Manchester will mean being closer to family and friends, having a job that is more challenging, earning more money to visit her boyfriend...all positives, all fantastic. When something so good happens to us and we STILL find problems with life it makes us feel angry with ourselves, like we have failed in something, that we must try harder, that we have to snap out of it! That's how I feel anyway. But let's think about this another way. Moving to Manchester means moving out of a comfort zone, it means finding a new place to live, getting used to a new job, carving out a new routine, and, of course the worst of all these things, packing. No wonder she has been in a funny mood!

I've been watching a programme on philosophers recently and in writing this I am reminded of one of them, Seneca. He was Roman, living around 1BC and he believed that anger was the result of not preparing ourselves for negative outcomes, of basically being too optimistic. Although I am an advocate of positive thinking (not that I think it changes the external reality but it does influence our behaviours and perceptions in and of that external reality) this guy really might have a point. What did I think was going to happen if I stopped drinking every day? Did I think my 13 year relationship with depression would completely fly out the window? Did I think I would never ever have a problem with comfort eating and binge eating again? Did I think that fear of life would never cripple me to the point of staying in bed and ignoring everything that goes on around me? If I did I was an idiot.

Well perhaps that's being too hard on myself. I was being what we are taught to be, positive and optimistic. So when life came back to slap me in the face it came somewhat as a surprise and yes of course I felt like the ultimate failure. Well I'm not. None of us are. There are many hidden stressors grinding us down that we constantly fight against and when we occasionally throw out our toys and stamp our feet we should not consider it a failure of good living. And if we focus on the negatives as well as the positives, if we take the negative potential of our situations and hold them up as real possibilities, if and when they do happen we will be prepared.

I know I'm not cured of depression, or disordered eating. For giving up drinking to cure that was a fantasy. But days like today and yesterday, when the mere prospect of washing up makes us want to cry, are par for the course. The more prepared we are, the better equipped we will be to deal with them.